The Wrong Side of my Car

The blog that wants to go obsolete

5 reasons to buy an SUV or ute, and why you still shouldn’t

A lot of people like to buy an SUV, or even a ute *1, to the point that automakers increasingly no longer produce regular cars. Especially in America, but increasingly also in Europe and countries like New Zealand.

These cars, especially the utes, are large. In Europe there is such thing as the monumental Mercedes S class. In the USA that S-class would be a small car.

But why? Here are 5 reasons why you may want such a SUV, and in each case, why you should still know your classics.

Reason 1: I want a big car

Maybe you want to regularly carry a lot of people. Or a lot of stuff. And you’re willing to accept the disadvantages that come with a larger car, like needing a bigger garage, more awkward parking, and if you use parking garages, the risk of imprinting a ceiling joist into your roof.

Why you should not buy an SUV or ute

Most of these cars have raised suspensions compared to normal cars, which makes them worse at everything you need a big car for:

• The high floor makes it more difficult to get things into the car. And off-road capability often means larger wheels, and thus wheel arches intruding into cargo space.

• The high floor eats into cargo space and headroom.

• It is harder for people to get into the car, especially small children and anyone with mobility issues.

• The car handles less well and is more likely to roll over in corners. *3

• Also a reminder that bringing home a haul from COSTCO does not require a big truck.

• Few people have much use for outside storage on their car. Putting something in a car is much easier than tying it down on a truck bed. So there exist canopies to cover that truck bed, to create inside storage space. But at this point…

What to buy instead

Know your classics.

A minivan is now basically the same as an SUV but without the stupid raised suspension.

And if you need a big car with lots of space, vans are like a 3-in-1 car: take all the seats out the back if you need to bring lots of stuff, add one row for crew + cargo, or 2 rows for bringing people.

Reason 2: Because it is safer

The America sidebar

To be clear, I’m not in North America. Over there, it is normal to get a Ford F-150 truck as your grocery getter. Charles Maharon wrote about it. Andrew Price wrote about it a long time ago.

But this article is not set in America. In Europe sedans and and hatchbacks are still a thing. New Zealand has some utes on the road, but they are mostly what Americans call ‘compact’ pickup trucks, like the Toyota Hilux. If you would drive that Toyota Hilux in Belgium it would almost always be the largest car on the supermarket parking lot.

When an accident happens, nobody wants to be in the smaller car.

But buying a larger car is not a winning move. It is an arms race. You are slightly safer at the expense of everyone else. *6 One way or another everyone else will be forced to upgrade to bigger cars too: either safety, or purely due to practicalities. You can’t emerge at intersections because you can’t see see over bonnets that are as tall as your roofline. The headlights will shine down into your mirrors.

So we are in a Red Queen’s race, but worse: once everyone has those bigger cars, everyone is worse off:

• It is now more dangerous for everyone, especially those not in cars. A child has to treat a large SUV as a truck: they may have blind spots tall enough that the driver may not see them at all.

• Everyone is now spending more money on those cars. More expensive to buy and to refuel.

• Heavier cars wear out road surfaces much faster. So your council also has to spend more money. Or you’ll have to put up with more potholes.

• The businesses you visit can provide less parking with the same amount of land.

• The nuisance gets amplified. More noise, more pollution, more blocked visibility, more space taken up by parking.

Your community will have to bear those costs, forever.

What to buy instead

Buy a large enough car to be safe, but don’t buy a car that is much larger than those around you. Don’t push this process forward.

Reason 3: What if I have to go off-road?

You won’t. See next reason.

Reason 4: I want to project personality. Or power. Or toughness

The diamond sidebar

Do you know where the tradition of buying engagement rings with diamonds comes from? How old do you think it is?

If you guessed more than 100 years old, you’re wrong: this is the result of some clever marketing by De Beer in the late 1930s.

“A diamond is forever”
—De Beer, 1947

In fact, spending a multiple of your monthly wage on a ring is a really stupid thing to do if you’re soon about to do things like buying a house, or getting kids.

SUVs and utes are the diamond rings of the car industry. Functionally nobody needs those, and until 30 years ago that was an obvious, self-evident fact. Until some car companies did some clever marketing so they could upsell you a truck.

On one hand I’d roll my eyes and think, ok what exactly do you want to compensate here? How much calmer would the road be if people treated their car as just an appliance *7?

But… it isn’t.

For most people, the vast majority of times when you interact with other people is not you interacting with other people: it is your car interacting with other cars on the road. Your car is how most people will see you. And even if you get some face to face contact with other people, your car is often the first thing they see about you.

If you’re shopping for a car, you’re not just buying a machine. You’re buying your character in one of those giant LARP games we call ‘cities’ today. You’re not just buying a vehicle to do things. You’re choosing stats and abilities for your character. Off-roading? check.

It thus isn’t surprising that people take slights against their car character very seriously, and very personally.

So that brings us to the current trend of vertical grilles on trucks and SUVs. Looks strong and imposing. Truckmaxxing is a thing now. Everyone will notice your presence. Or, more aptly, will have to undergo your presence.

Alas, it turns out though the 50% attack bonus against pedestrians is not just an RPG stat. It is a real life stat. That fashion grille is both much more dangerous to pedestrians, and it means you can no longer see children crossing the street in front of your truck.

What to buy instead

There’s plenty of choices that aren’t stupidly and pointlessly *8 dangerous to other people. Take your pick. Sports cars and luxury sedans still exist.

Reason 5: I really need a ute

As in, you’re bringing stuff home that really should not be inside a car. Like that carcass from when you go hunting.

Or maybe you’re one of the few people who genuinely needs an all terrain vehicle. That was what Sports Utility Vehicles were originally meant to be.

You should buy a pick-up or SUV.

But also, if you live in a suburban house you are probably not part of this group. See reason 3.

The right answer to “some people want to do this weird thing” is often “live and let live”. This is not one of those times. These things are dangerous. People die to this. And this danger doesn’t follow from any function. Like with heavy goods vehicles, which are dangerous, but that is because they are very large in order to carry literal tons of stuff.

SUVs and utes don’t need to be dangerous. We made them more dangerous, simply because we could, and because that danger is by itself the selling point. It is just wanton violence, purely because we can. That is a line we should not have crossed.

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